Here is a teaser. Currently titled Vegas Fiction , might change it, suggestions welcome.
Snip of Chapter 1. Enjoy
I awoke in a newly renovated room at the Flamingo to a loud raspy voice that was shouting “Smokey, hey Smokey, Wake up asshole."
I quickly scan the room for an intruder, my hand clenching the hotel phone in case I need a weapon.
“Smokey god damn it, put down the phone, look at me man, I’m alive ….”
That voice is coming from inside my bed, I squeeze the phone tighter. I prop up to get better leverage. Supercharged Alien adrenaline pumping hard. I slowly, carefully with one hand start pulling the sheets off, the other hand clenching the phone straight up and ready to deliver a crushing blow.
Jesus Christ, my penis was speaking to me, the slit was moving with every word. It had tiny teeth, a tong, miniature Ray Ban sunglasses, a tiny fedora, all the while smoking a cigar and blowing smoke rings.
It said. “Smokey, what are we going to do about this. It’s Vegas man, get on the web and get me some pussy. I want four Chic's, 3 skinny ones and one humongous black fat one?”
My 800 IQ tells me, obviously I’m having some kind of depraved hallucination, a seizure or metal breakdown of some kind, the question is why?
I reach for the channel changer and turn on the TV, hoping whatever substance is causing this delusion wears off soon.
“Come on Smokey, talk to me asshole, just a little bit of money for some honey.” It said.
I refuse to look at it, or acknowledge this is actually happening.
“Why don’t you try and strangle me you prick, I will puke straight up onto all four blades of the ceiling fan. Then the centrifugal force will fling your DNA onto the walls, and if someone gets murdered in this room you got some explaining to do. Spend some of that money on the dresser buddy, get me some Chic's you cheap fucking bastard.” The dick said.
I start watching the movie previews.
“Smokey put the porn channel on, just me and you here, I won’t tell anyone, honest.”
I look down at my dick and say. “Really Man, I'm seven hundred years old. ”
“Oh you’re talking to me now, you pathetic boring piece of shit, our x wife is a billion light years away,the current one, two thousand miles away, what's your problem, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. You're a chicken shit, I can’t believe I’m attached to such a loser.” Then it goes into a hysterical laughing fit just as I start feeling light headed, and everything goes dark.
I force my eyes wide open and all I see is black, then flashbacks of traveling on our spaceship at a million times the speed of light. Stars, galaxies, flying past us like fire flies on a dirt road doing 100 miles an hour.
Fuck, it hits me; I forgot my nicotine patch before bed last night.